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Shadowbox Champion

by Blue Vines

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1.
You can beg, barter, and pray Everybody leaves with the same Demons that you came here anyway It builds and bursts when the dam can't hold up Learn to swim or get taken with the flood Curse the current Dig in Now, steel your guts I'm still waiting for the day When I bridge the distance between Me and my mistakes Give everything that burdens you a name Lean into this existence And float away
2.
Well, I can't shake the feeling We're all grasping at straws Use a comma, ellipsis As a breath or a pause Sense of clarity, just out of reach Out of ideas Back into the breach Brittle bones Brazen man Bear the weight of the world if you can Or else, shrug it off
3.
I have this Bad habit Of letting my heart run laps Before my head's all warmed up and... (Head's all warmed up) It's a constant tug of war between The action and intention All the subtle things you Wish you would've said But never mentioned I'm afraid to give up on your (I'm afraid to give up on your) I'm afraid to give up on your Ghost! Still a long way to content just yet But a far cry from resigned Every avenue beckons in whispers If I could only read the signs
4.
Disavow 02:31
Innovative minds Find ways to pass more judgement than time and I can't let it slide Got a heavy head with my eyes open wide to this: Thoughts all mired in ignorance How do you ever sleep so soundly? Do I need special glasses for your alternate reality, Or just adjust my moral compass? Cause it's this lack of character that knows Just how to make me scream All at once cowardly and pompous Well, isn't this great again?
5.
Your parents split last year And we almost did too If only for a minute or If only for a minute or two We keep our routines Mark time with the passing of seasons If you ask me what it all means I can offer more theories than reasons Rain spills down in uncomfortable patterns And the thought isn't lost on me How we're all just collections of habits Always straddling purpose and need I'm just trying to get ahead Out of the way of the man I am Or could be with a little finessing Late night talks and less second guessing I guess you'd say it's all part of a process I'll keep one hand on the wheel And the other on your shoulder Time keeps driving the point home Think we're just getting older There's comfort in seldom unspoken moments That fill in the spaces in between Memories that hang overhead like bad omens Pale in the light of a living dream
6.
Do We Dance? 03:12
Again, to douse or To stoke the flames Strangers though we Share a name It's not like we're out of time But you're so resolute to find another Hill to die on Why not mine? Could I stand for, should I stand for this? Or let it fall by the wayside I'm not bitter It's a shame We could never get this right But not for lack of trying Ancient history Idle grudge Seething blister Former cut Form your run on thoughts Into a clear and cogent meditation Synthesis of all the ways To deviate from what's been done
7.
Fugitive 02:24
The world demands that I be something It's not enough to be So I lean in to what's becoming And do the make believe Would you buy now what I've been Pawning off for ages? (All these scattered treasures) Coat of armor, silver tongue Let's not stand on ceremony Take this fuck all on parade A nervous heart Steady lungs What do you make of all this?
8.
9.
There's a storm Brewing in the distance Clouds rendered to congregate Every tremor Can't be cataclysmic I remind myself of things Like this every day What I'm trying to say's All mixed in With a metaphor I can't explain There's this recurring dream I have Where the world bares A huge set of teeth What could that mean? Tell me how To reconcile Past and now Steady myself, prepare to fight But it's me vs me And it's only a trick of the light Lately, I carve out moments To ask myself If I'm being patient, compassionate? The rest is confetti, distraction at best Last call for anything at all (Tell me how) I was scared to fail (Past and now) I'm not afraid to fall
10.
I'm The Lion 02:46
My brother showed up here again He's uncommonly quiet but then In spite of the nerves We don't always rely on words You can spill but I already know "I've been dreaming of driving my car off the road" I ask how often He says, "Oh it comes and goes" You say they're allergy eyes But I know that you're just dead tired "Be a man" So demands Such a poor example An empty heart Means the rest of us Have our hands full You say they're allergy eyes But I know that you're just dead tired We both survived But those hands could open up to hold Instead you clench your fist To split the lip Of anyone who would oppose you I know, I do it too You say they're allergy eyes But I know that you're just dead tired Thank God, you're alive!

credits

released April 2, 2021

Nick Gonzalez - vocals, guitar, bass, drums, keys, bells, percussion
Andrea De Renzis - vocals track 3

Additional vocals on track 9: Andrea De Renzis, N. Reed, Saint Judas, Chris Bolin, Joe Howland

Music and lyrics by Nick Gonzalez

Recorded March-December 2020
Tracks 2 and 7 Engineered and produced by Gary Nieves Jr. at Cobra Sun Studio in Staten Island, NY
Mastered by Azimuth Mastering www.azimuthmastering.com

Special thanks to Ang for being my person, and to Mark, Ndot, Chris, Braden, Callum, and Joe for all of your constant support and perspective.

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Blue Vines New York, New York

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